I recently went to see the movie, Rocketman. I’ve heard mixed reviews but for me, it was everything I’d hoped it would be, an interesting biopic with a lot of great music for me to sing along to — in my head of course.
Elton has had a remarkable life and while there were a few “made for the movies” moments in Rocket Man, there was one moment that particularly struck me. One moment that stayed with me long after the movie ended. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ruin the movie for you but I am going to tell you about the moment I’m referring to.
The moment I’m referring to is the one where an adult Elton kneels and hugs a young Reggie. It was a powerful scene in the movie of course but it hit home for me on a different level. You see, I too remember a similar moment in my own life.
It was the first time in my adult life where I was able to fully look at myself and say “I love you.” In fact, it was probably the first time in my entire life that I could honestly say that. Not only that, for the first time in my life, I meant it. Needless to say, I cried for hours afterwards with a sense of release that I’d never felt before.
The sad thing about that moment for me is that it only happened a few years ago. I was already in my 30’s and I had wasted 3 decades hating everything about myself. Regardless of what others had said, I knew better, and I was not worthy.
I know that this type of deep, emotionally connected breakthrough is not unique to me. There absolutely is a large percentage of the population that have gone through their own similar experience so it’s important to remember that if this is something that rings true for you, you’re never alone. I’d also be fairly certain that many, many people still haven’t been able to break that barrier and fall in love with themselves. To me, this is the most upsetting part and a big reason why I’ve chosen to do what I do.
Ego is not a dirty word
Learning to love yourself is not about arrogance or perfectionism, it’s about celebrating what makes you wonderful, talented and unique. It’s about recognising all that you can offer the world and allowing those qualities to shine. We all have unique talents and we all have plenty we can offer. Often we’re great at recognising those talents in others but not so much in ourselves. In reality, we owe it to the world to let our light shine and to do that, we need to be head of our cheer squad.
What is it that we covet?
Typically we’re always a little harder on ourselves but if we really don’t like ourselves then it’s important to figure out what’s causing the block. A great place to start is with a little self-coaching and reflection.
Try asking yourself some of the tough questions.
How would you describe yourself?
Is it in line with how others describe you?
If not, why not?
What are the things we love most in other people?
Do we love those same things in ourselves?
Are we too busy coveting things that don’t matter?
Is our dislike tied to those things that are on the surface, things like the way we look or the funny little mannerisms we have or is it more to do with our actions?
If what we don’t like are those things that fall in the former, well I’m here to tell you that those are the things in life that don’t matter.
Tell me, do you judge your loved ones ability to be “lovable” against the same stick? If not, why are you judging yourself that way? Do you care that your bestie isn’t an Instagram Influencer? No? Then why the hell should that make you any more or less loveable.
If your self-assessment is based on those things that fall in the latter then let me remind you that our actions, thoughts and feelings are all within our control. If something doesn’t work, change it. Again, you might like to start by asking yourself whether your self-assessment is fair and accurate before making any changes.
How do you learn to love yourself?
Learning to love yourself can be a slow journey but I can assure you that the pit stops on the way — the light bulb moments — are wonderful and when you get to your destination, it’s even more beautiful than you could imagine.
Being unable to look in the mirror to feeling a truthful and honest sense of self-love is not a one day or even a one week change. You wouldn’t expect big results at the gym after a week and just like any physical change, this one takes time, dedication and a willingness to change our ingrained patterns
The simplest place to start is by tapping into your resources.
Is there a time in your life where you were most proud of yourself? When was it? What was the situation and what are you particularly proud of?
Nothing in life is all bad or all good, it’s what we think about it that makes it so. You will have moments of pride, you may just have to dig a little deeper to find them. Reflect on those moments where you felt proud and identify what your resources are. Maybe you showed kindness to others or maybe you pulled together for your team. Again, you’re looking for those things that make up your character and not those things that are superficial and on the surface.
Stop this immediately!
Look, I know I’m normally the soft and gentle type but for this, I’m going in hard. If you’re the type of person that spends your time hanging out with your inner critic then stop it, stop it now! Remember the law of attraction. Our thoughts can bring us either positive or negative experiences depending on what we spend our time thinking about. If your thoughts are along the lines of “I’m useless, I’m worthless, I’m fat, I’m ugly” then you’re training your mind to look for the negative in everything and your actions to be self-sabotaging.
If this is a sticking point for you, then one simple task you can do is to write one thing about yourself that you like/made you happy/you were proud of each night before you go to bed. Do this consistently for 3 months and you’ll start to create some really strong positive connections and change your inner critic to your inner number 1 fan.
We all need help from time to time
In reality, these are just two simple exercises in a list that is going to take time and work. An inaccurate self-assessment may be a long ingrained belief. It’s worth remembering that just because we believe it doesn’t make it true, but, if you’ve believed it for a long time (in my case 30 years) then getting a little support to make the change can help. Psychotherapists are experts in overcoming self-limitations. Working with an expert can ensure that you’ve got the support crew in your corner and can really help you to break through your barriers fast.
Until next time,
If you’re finding it a little tricky to get back to the best you then hypnosis can really help. Want to work with me? Book your first session with me at the Lotus Centre in Brookvale today. Or contact me on 0437248134 or at Rebecca@thesharpmind.com.au to find out how I can help.