Burning the Whole Thing Down

burning the rose

"The parts of you that you've worked hardest to hide are often the ones holding the most of your power. They’ll continue to knock until you’re ready to answer."

In 2022 a part of me began shedding. Everything was crumbling.

It felt like death.

I was scared.

I wasn’t moving from one thing to the next. I didn’t know what was coming afterwards. I just had to let go and hope that the parachute opened.

In 2023 another part of me died. This felt like the deepest death yet. I’d totally lost my sense of safety. The grief was deep. It still is if I’m being honest.

But something beautiful came out of those ashes. As that part died, something magical happened.

A phoenix inside me began to rise. One that continues to grow stronger and louder.

This is the conversation we have in this week’s episode of the We Are Woman Podcast. A conversation about working in the shadows. Something we will all most likely face in our lives. With it comes all sorts of deep experiences. You can listen here.

What is shadow work?

There comes a point where what used to work simply doesn’t anymore.

The way you’ve been holding it all together. Pushing through. Staying in control. Something about it starts to feel off. Heavier. Harder to maintain. Like you don’t quite fit inside your own life in the same way you once did.

For a lot of people, this is a disorienting place to be. Even frightening. There can be moments where it feels like something in you is quietly coming apart, and nobody around you seems to notice.

This is often what shadow work or ego death looks like in real life.

A slow loosening of the identity you’ve been carrying for a long time. The version of you that learnt how to cope, how to be liked, how to stay safe. The one that worked hard to hold everything together and got quite good at it.

In that in-between space, something more honest starts to come through.

Without all the effort and the noise, there is often a different kind of clarity. A greater sense of what actually matters to you. What you’d choose if you weren’t choosing from fear or habit or the need to keep everyone comfortable.

That is not a breakdown. That is the beginning of something.

Choice can feel different from this place. Less urgent. More grounded. Less about proving anything, more about being genuinely in alignment with yourself, perhaps for the first time in a while.

If you’re here right now, it makes sense if it feels uncomfortable. Transition usually does. But you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not falling apart. You’re just in the middle of becoming something more true to who you actually are.

If you’re experiencing something that feels like it could be exploring your shadows, maybe sit with these questions.

✨ What feels harder to keep holding onto lately? What is it costing you to maintain?

✨ Where in your life do you feel like you’re outgrowing something, even if you can’t fully name it yet?

✨ What feels more honest for you right now, even if it’s unfamiliar or a little uncomfortable?

Have a winning day,

Bec x

P.S, Music is such an incredible companion in times of grief and falling away. This song reminds me that whatever might be happening, I can still just breath.